Gets me everytime.

I'm sitting in front of my computer watching yoochoob vids, and i come across melissa polinars, Brave Face. I instantly fell in love with the song. Its such a sweet song, and made me really think about music. I really like self realization songs. Songs that are about you, that make you think about yourself. I especially liked it because I feel like i can get a lot more emotion out of sad songs than from happy songs. Dont get me wrong, happy feel good songs are cool, and awesome, but unless you are on that same high, you dont get as much out of them. Sad songs have so much more emotion. They make me hurt, they make me cry, they inspire me. And so here is my theme of the night... Inspiration. Where do we get our inspiration? I like to get mine from the people around me. I like to grow from the thoughts, attitudes, and people I surround myself. My friends and loved ones make me want to become a better person. those are my thoughts....roll with it.

Summer means change

I know its been hella long since i blogged, but its a new day and i thought i should write this stuff down before i forget.

Summer is a time for rest and relaxation. We work hard for 10 months at school, and summer is the only time we can really relax and unwind, bfore we have to repeat the 10 month process. But have we really thought about the opportunities summer presents. We are away from our friends and mentors for 3 whole months. 3 months is alot of time. Think back to out past summers, 3 months have made us inches even feet taller, 3 months have made our wallets from full to empty, or from empty to full, 3 months have changed boys into men, and girls into women, and that idea my friends is the real meaning for summer. Summer means change. It gives us the time to get away from the pressures of peers and mentors, and it allow us the ability to find ourselves, redefine our purposes, and mature into the people we will be for the rest of our lives.

Now here come my reflection. Who do i want to be when I grow up? I'll tell the truth. I've been spoiled and babied all my life. My mom made sure I had everything I needed, sometimes everything I wanted, but she gave me the opportunity to be independent, slowly loosening her lovegrip called motherhood, but she has never truly let go. and thats where this year comes in. Even though I live hella close to home, being away from her has changed me. I no longer appreciate the love grip, the constant location calls, room barges, and commands she puts on me. Rather I prefer to be in my own space, do things on my own time, and my own way. Not to say I dont love her, because I love her with all my heart, but I like my independence, and own space, and in 10 years she wont be there to do all these things, so she needs to start practicing not doing them.

Now here comes my goals. Who am I becoming? Being away from home has been an experience. I have no one to report to, no one who tells me what to do, and no one to judge or reprimand me. But all this freedom can be a danger if not focused productively. Instead of hanging out all the time, why cant I focus some of my time on my , or on a job? Thats precisely what i have realized. Ive had my fun being a child this year. Now focusing on the theme of change, I have dedicated this summer to tranforming Nate the Fun guy, to Nate the grown man. I have already taken some steps in the process, and the summer is long, so i hope i stick to it, but i feel like the experience and the lessons i learn this summer will help me grow up. The real world is hard, and ive grown up in a bubble. Now is my time to start venturing into my own space, and really seeing where my strengths and weaknesses are. Anther thing I've been trying to change within myself are the childish bad habits I have. I'm a really friendly guy. I like to smile and laugh, but lately ive been feeling like my personality sometimes comes off too strong. This summer one of my focuses is picking and choosing instances where i let my personality shine, and stepping off. One of my problems is I treat everyone with the same friendly attitude that needs to be focused into a more controlled one.

Anyways I'm done reflecting. I'm hungry and basketball today killed me. I love it :)

Heres a picture i thought was funny

its spring

Sup guys. I havent blogged in a while, but i felt like i needed to today. I don't know what it is, maybe its the air, but at this moment i feel really good. I love my fraternity. I'm happy with my performance at school. I'm lifting weights, playing basketball, and just having a good time. Its in the air. It's almost summer and life is good. I'm busy, but its a good busy. I have hella stuff to do, but i'm not stressing. I feel like i'm growing up and i'm scared but i'm ready at the same time.

I've taken a new direction in my life and the theme is growth. I have to learn how to do things for myself. I can depend on my friends and family, but its up to me to succeed and benefit from my hardships. I'm manning up. No more mopping and crying, rather staying positive and optimistic. It is on me. I'm not gonna take crap anymore, because I'm a man on a mission and i have my eyes on the prize. 8)

Starting over

I know i haven't blogged in a while, but i decided to blog right now. My life has been really busy lately, and I'm taking this opportunity to really write down thoughts that have been on my mind.

A thought that came into my mind, was the whole idea of emoness vs. self reflection. I consider myself a really deep person, not because i'm a really complicated person, but because I take the time out of my days to think about thoughts and ideas that are bothering, and try to find ways to sort through them. That is a lot similar to wisdom. So what separates a person from being wise and deep? My take on it is that a deep person contemplates about past thoughts, actions, and ideas; A wise person contemplates about past thoughts, actions, and ideas, and utilizes them in order to improve their future thoughts, actions, and ideas.

I'm not there yet, not a lot of people are, and if they say they are, they are probably lying to you about it. I hope i get there though. I still have 3 years to grow up. its hard, but we all gotta do it...

I know this has nothing to do with it, but i really liked this art piece my brother maku made. :)

Another Deep Thought

So i know i havent blogged in a while, its only because ive been really busy. I was supposed to deep talk with linda and tara tonight, but i had homework and just as im about to go to sleep these thought begin to fill my head, like helium filling up a balloon. So this is another love thought. Like love hate it, its just my thought.

First, I find it really sweet seeing people in love. I like when they leave each other special notes in texts comments or voicemails. What i find most impressive is seeing people in relationships, like long ass realtionships, still sharing that cute, i wanna get to know you attitude. Like even thought they are in a relationship, they still share the text tagging, cute witty convos.

Second, I wonder what makes it so hard for people to find other people. I know i could be talking out of my emo kuwawa love life, but seriously I wonder how come, there are plenty of girls and guys out there who are almost mtb, but they just never happen to meet.

I dont know. I starting to get sleepy. I'll finish this later. Out

Getting Back.

So the time has come where students return to the daily grind balancing studying and life. Here i am blogging in front of my computer dead tired from the events of the past week. alot has happened in terms of getting back, and thats where i wanna start.

I got back to USF on monday and since then all ive been doing is chilling and having fun with the homies, waiting for everyone to move back in. I had a radical idea to play at Fishermans wharf with my friend Kiko for money, then we would use whatever we earned and use it to buy dinner for my friends. I don't know... Just a thought.

This past weekend we had a brother bonding retreat. It was really fun just breaking away from all the stresses of life and mentally prepare for the upcoming semester. After the retreat I'm actually really excited for the next school week being with the brothers really reminded me of my high school friends and how we used to chill like that.

I had my fortune told the other day, and it got me thinking. As feminine as it sounds, I asked about my love life. I went into it thinking of the results as a piece of advice from a friend. It said that I needed to be careful with my love life, thinking things through before doing things. It told me that even though the experience maybe give me troubles and be difficult, once i get through it, it will lead to a positive change in myself. I don't know how i feel about it, but all i know is that I will still be a hopeless romantic. :/




Current Song of Reflection: Lina-- I Am

Creativity?

I wrote a short story the other day. its okay, but i thought it was a really good way to get things off my chest. Its about a guy, who thinks and dreams alot and he ends up randomly meeting this girl who he deep talks with and ultimately falls in love with her, it keeps going. ask me if you wanna read it. i tried to use metaphors and imagery, but i always end up using some poetic lines, cause i think they sound cool.


Oh and i was at my friends sams party the other day, and i was saw this girl. i dont know. there was something about her that caught my attention. so i sang and go her number, but im not sure if im gonna text her or not. :/
Who knows? im confused with girls. Why cant i just meet a cute, nice, good girl, who appreciates my music, and takes me as i am? Heaven only knows.